Gravin Clothilde
von Alptraum's Thighs Open for Business!
A True Recounting
of the Prostitution Of the Gravin.
As much as it PAINS this humble and
modest speaker to REPORT it, there are many who SUSPECT that for some time now
the GRAVIN CLOTHILDE von ALPTRAUM has been suitor'd by a STRING of base and
crude fellows, with one such LOWLY and UNWORTHY knave standing tall in her
AFFECTIONS.
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This SWAIN, some time soldier in the
Averheim State Forces – and most-like a DESERTER - is now a MENIAL of the Red
Arrow Coach Company, where he was recently employed upon the task of walking
the road to recover lost goods and chattels of WEALTHY and POWERFUL clients,
who were nevertheless IMPOTENT to prevent their treasures being FORCED from
them and their persons RAVAGED.
After a long and TEDIOUS journey through
the gloomy forest, this SWAIN did happen to fall upon some BANDITS in those
same woods, who CONSORT'D with DARK POWERS and did plot to rob the honest
travelers upon the roads.
CREEPING softly into their camp, like
unto one who is used to many NOCTURNAL assignations, he did find a SHADOWY spot
and UNFURL his might WEAPON – six feet of STOUT WOOD – which he swiftly GREASED
by spitting into his hand. Then, with his bow held ERECT, he pulled back his
HOOD, took careful aim, and then did POUR OUT a FLURRY of STIFF bolts,
EJACULATED forth, which did PENETRATE deep into the flesh of his foes until
they all lay PROSTATE upon the ground,
PIERCED to the quick, and he then stood to, EXHAUSTED.
Then, seeing that one of these MUTANTS
did have upon it's head a most PROUD HORN, of some great GIRTH and impressive
LENGTH, he did stride over and – taking it firmly in his hands – judge its
WEIGHT and HEFT. Having never seen one as BIG, he did decide upon the spot to
FUMBLE in his trews for his trusty BALLOCK knife, with which he quickly parted
the HORN from the head, and then STUFFED the thing ROUGHLY into his BULGING
SACK.
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Upon completion of his ERRAND the Swain
did find himself in the dusty PASSAGES and musty CHAMBERS of the Gravin, who
gave him a WARM welcome, WELL LUBRICATED with ale. There, he thought fit to
make to her a GIFT of the UNBENDING horn which was the SPOIL of his VICTORY.
This the Gravin did receive by STRIDING
over to the swain in a most IMMODERATE fashion, hanging about him with many
cooed words, and CARESSING his cheek, so that those who watched were most
SICKENED to behold it.
Then, FINGERING a scar upon the Swain's
cheek she spake the following, or some such formulation: “Why, that deep GASH
which was SMOTE upon your visage has healed well, thanks to my MINISTRATIONS –
if only my own WOUND were not still DEEP & OPEN & waiting to be
FILL'D.”
No doubt, this TESTIFIES to some prior
and UNWHOLESOME relation between the two – and, who might say not some UNSAVORY
night-time assignation too?
And it is WHISPERED, amongst those who
were there and did WITNESS it with their own eyes, that in return for the HORN
which the Swain PRESENTED to her, the GRAVINE did surrender up unto this LUSTY
hunter her SOFT little PURSE, contained within which was a priceless JEWEL –
that is to say, for those who lack WIT and do need the allegory expounding to
them, that she did CLEAVE unto him and give up her very VIRTUE, hereto
UNSULLIED it is said by any man.
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Already there are those amongst the
so-called 'HIGH SOCIETY' of Averheim who are casting grave doubts upon the
CHARACTER of Clothilda von Alptraum, and in turn upon the INFLUENCE which she
wields with those – like CAPTAIN BAUERFAST – who might be easily taken in by
her thinly plastered FACADE of virtue, like unto that white lead which the
WHORES of
Averheim do paint their faces to DISGUISE the
marks of the Pox.
It is clear that we cannot TRUST the
future of this great CITY to such a STRUMPET as this Gravin!
&
Printed in
Averheim
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